Death of a Ghost Hunter

“Death of a Ghost Hunter”

A Dickity crossover with the Winchester Boys

SUMMARY:  When Cullen and Swan are hired to investigate the eerie circumstances surrounding the death of the area’s leading “Ghost Hunter”, they run into a suspicious duo who have their own agenda to attend to.

 ~ CULLEN POV ~

Seriously?
I scowled like a motherfucker as I read the summary on mine and Swan's latest case file.
I wasn't even really sure where it'd come from…it just kinda showed the fuck up on our doorstep, so to speak, and I assumed Muldoon had somethin' to do with it. He was a goddamn coward like that, shoving cases to us that he couldn't or wouldn't handle.
Same old, same old, I guess.
Normally I'd a laughed in someone's face for asking us to take something on like this one, but it was winter, and cases were slow.
What can I say? Even kidnappers and murderers liked to stay indoors mostly, once the temps got down below thirty.
Besides that though, I wasn't about to pass up a decent opportunity to debunk some of the recent rumor mills that were running amuck throughout the city about supernatural experiences and shit.
Apparently this guy died trying to investigate an eeeeevillllll entity inside some old as hell house for a client that wanted to purchase the property, under what the authorities were officially calling suspicious circumstances.
Right.
Me?
I like to call it falling onto a pile of nails left by a construction company, but what really bugged the shit out of me was how ridiculous it was that so many people suddenly came out of the woodwork once one crack pot made a ghostly apparition public.
But I digress.
I noticed Swan watching me.
"What?"
"What are you scowling at?" she asked, almost amused but mostly curious.
"This guy is like, the biggest fucking joke since dick enlargement pills, Swan."
She lowered the top of her laptop a little and raised a single eyebrow at me.
"What?"
Seriously.
"He was highly admired in the supernatural community, Edward. You shouldn't make fun of things you don't even understand."
"Don't wanna fucking understand, either," I said, continuing to read. Then I thought about what she'd said and asked her, "You don't really believe in ghosts and shit like that, do you Swan?"
She shrugged. "I don't know…but I'd rather not piss any spirits off by making fun of them, just in case they do exist."
I shook my head at her…always politically fucking correct, that woman, even when the politicians are dead.
"Either way," I told her, getting up and grabbing one more bagel before heading for the shower, "We gotta check it out, so…."
"Are you inviting me to join you in the shower, Cullen?"
"I'm inviting you to enjoy one seriously excellent wall fuck before we go get laughed at by half the police force for takin' this case."
She joined me.
Of course she fucking joined me.
You forget who she's dealing with.
And once the water was hot and my dick was hard, Swan was soaping up her hands before I could whistle a show tune. She slid them around Eddy Jr. almost immediately while I was saying hello to two of my favorite nipples in all the world. I got the distinct impression she mighta joined me in that shower even if I hadn't invited her.
If ya know what I'm sayin'.
"Jesus, Swan," I said, feeling the need to stop with the nipple teasing.
I rested my head against hers as she quite eloquently jerked me off and handled my balls.
It was a nice change from the nut punches, ladies and gentlemen.
"God, I missed you," she whispered and I told her, "Ditto," but then she said, "I wasn't talking to you, Edward."
I chuckled and then let a hand find its way to her pussy while the other grasped at her side, wanting to just fuck the shit out of her but knowing this needed to be about her.
At first anyway.
And if I do say the fuck so, myself….Swan's pussy was very ready, willing, and able to be met.
"Yes," she muttered, her eyes closing.
"Uh..uh..uh, Swan," I said, pulling her lips to mine for a kiss that held promises of an extremely excellent morning orgasm.
She opened them again, watching mine while I worked her clit and met her g-spot with multiple digits curling inside of her. "How do you do this to me?" she whispered as her hips bucked against my hand. But let's face it…she knew the answer just as well as I did when I asked myself the same goddamn thing about her.
I told her anyway.
"I fucking love you, that's how."
And then we kissed again and her leg made a home around my waist, allowing me the mother of all access to all the right places while she pressed her chest into mine, letting her nipples get some friction too.
Her hands went to my hair and I was a goddamn gonner…that much I knew.
It was only a matter of time, by then.
I groaned, pushing further into her while Eddy Jr. rubbed against parts of her…any part that would have him for the time being.
I mean shit, the sounds she made and the way she felt.
She did things to me that I couldn't do in my wildest dreams.
Not that I had wet dreams…but you know what the fuck I mean.
I don’t have wet dreams, okay?
Okay maybe a few … all about Swan though.
Shit.
She moaned a little louder into my mouth when I let my fingers find her clit again, and I rubbed and pinched and dipped and curled until finally…
"Motherfucker!" she called out, and I almost had to laugh at her.
"Such language, Swan…does Papa Swan know you talk like that?" I teased.
"I'd really rather you didn't bring my father into this, Cullen."
So I didn't.
Instead, I picked her up and let her legs wrap themselves around me while I pushed Eddy Jr. into his favorite McDonalds like play place and, "Jesus fuck me ten times harder than a mule on crack."
Then it was Swan's turn to laugh. "Such language, Cullen."
I kissed her and fucked her up against that wall like my life depended on it, and damn if Swan didn't take it all as I pounded into her, unwilling to let up.
She liked it.
And she fucking let me know she liked it by burying her face into my shoulder and biting down.
"Shhhhhhit," I moaned from the pain, but it was a good pain…the kinda pain she knew I fucking lived for. The kind that said I was hers and visa versa and nobody was gonna change that.
Ever.
"Jesus," I spat, cumming hard into her and I was glad we were already in the shower 'cause the mess we were making of each other was beyond what the sheets in our bed coulda handled.
I held her there…against the shower wall, letting the water cover us and our orgasms subside, then I set her down gently, pulling out of her.
I put my hands on either side of her face and kissed the living shit out of her for being the best thing that ever happened to me. When we pulled away from each other slightly, she said, "I wouldn't mind waking up like that every day for the rest of my life."
"Your wish is my command, Swan," I told her with a smirk. And then we actually took…you know…a shower, before heading out to check out this wackadoodle fucking case of ours.
When we got there, I did a slight double take at the house itself.
We were in a suburb of DC and the houses were generally older, but this… This shit was… "Where the hell are we, the Twilight Zone?"
It was weathered like a motherfucker and the trees were bare already. You'd a thought Dream Works was filming a horror flick on the property, the way it looked like it was straight outta Amityville Horror or some shit like that.
Swan laughed. "Well, it definitely fits the bill of haunted, doesn't it?"
"Haunted, my ass," I said, snidely. "Run down like a motherfucker, yes, but haunted? Highly goddamn doubtful, Swan."
We walked up the cracked sidewalk toward the entrance, where all the regular suspects where taping shit off, talking smack about their own theories on what had happened to our "ghost hunter" and my ever faithful brother caught me off guard while I watched a couple of suspicious looking characters, mulling around like they belonged there only… they didn't.
"Ed!"
"Shit, Em, what the fuck are you doing here? I thought Muldoon was giving this one to us?"
"I know, dude, but he wanted some sorta representation down here. You know, in case things got wonky."
I stared at him.
"Wonky."
"Yeah."
"Seriously?"
"What?"
"Em, what the fuck is wonky supposed to mean?"
He looked around to make sure no one was listening, then leaned down a little to whisper to me and Swan leaned in to hear, too.
"You know…"
His eyes got big and he did this…weird shit with his hands. Like jazz hands only ten fucking times more disturbing.
My eyebrows met.
Swan giggled.
"You know this guy supposedly was killed by a ghost, right?" he asked me and my eyebrows met even more so.
"Not you, too."
"Edward doesn't think there's any such things as ghosts," Bella told him.
His hands went up and he backed away. "I hope they don't know you think that."
"Who?"
He whispered again. "The ghosts."
"Oh my fucking god," I nearly yelled out at the ridiculousness of my partner and lover….life time makes me fucking lose my mind half the time fiancé… and my brother…who's supposed to be level fucking headed about shit.
Then I noticed those two guys who were acting like they were official, but probably had absolutely no legal right to be on the scene of a crime had heard me, too.
"Who are they?" I nodded over toward them.
Emmett turned to see who I was talking about and then said, "Oh, they're FBI…some special division or something…cool, huh?"
"Yeah," I said, eyeballin one of them.
He was short and scowly…he was fucking scowling at my ass and it was pissing me off, to tell you the truth and when I went to tell Swan just that, I stopped short, doing a double take at the look on her face.
"Swan," I said, waving a hand in front of her face as she stared across the room at said scowler.
"What?" she said, snapping out of her dream state.
"Somethin's up with those two."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Later, let's come back later."
I told Emmett not to take the stories about this case too seriously, and then we took off to do some research on our dead client and try to get some other leads as to what had actually happened.
Turned out he was investigating a so called "Angry Spirit" for that someone who wanted to buy the place, but had heard rumors that this "Angry Spirit" may or may not have been being killing people for well over a year…only nothing was ever confirmed.
Until now.
"More like an angry ex-girlfriend," I snorted, reading the articles we found and Swan warned me again not to make fun of things I didn't quite get.
"Look," I told her. "This is easy as shit to solve…we look up ex's, get the skinny on any that were psychos…badda bing, badda bang…case is solved and Muldoon owes us a few thousand dollars, courtesy of the good city of Washington fucking DC."
"You think it's that easy, huh?" she asked, debating my theory.
"Abso-fucking-lutely, Swan…let's hit it….right after dinner."
"Hit what?"
"The house," I told her. "They probably won't move him till morning. That gives us round about ten hours. There's gotta be some clues on him…or….something he lost or dropped while he was in there. Hell, I bet there's even something that would lead us right to the fucking killer."
She seemed somewhere half way between thinkin' I actually made sense and wanting to run as far away from me as possible so she didn't fall into the same fate as dead Ghost Hunter guy.
In the end, though, she stuck it out with yours truly.
Because let's face it, I made more fucking sense.
We arrived back at the house after everyone else had left, which made things a whole hell of a lot easier as far as I'm concerned.
It was darker out and it was cold as shit, but it was also quiet.
No annoying questions or…fucking radio call ins to distract us, and we were making our way around quite goddamn nicely, until…
"What are you doing here?"
"Shit," I jumped a little at the sound of another fucking voice that wasn’t supposed to be there. 
Not that we were supposed to be there… hell, you know what I’m sayin’.
"Excuse you?"
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah, fucking excuse you."
Was I fucking speaking sign language or some shit?
He laughed a sarcastically at me as he eyed his "partner"… if that's what they're callin' it these days… and then said, "Agent Harley, this is Agent Davidson… FBI," flashing a badge at me. "We have every right to be here, I assure you."
"Uh huh," I grunted, ignoring the cheesetastic names he’d given the two of them for the time being, and looking for more clues as to how our good friend and con-artist had really died.
"We won't be but a minute, we promise," the tall partner type said, a little nicer than the short one, and I nodded at him.
Then the short one with an attitude pissed me off again. "Mind if we ask you a few questions?" he asked me and I laughed at his ass through my nose, rollin' my eyes a little, noticing him noticing Swan.
Which I didn't fucking like. One goddamn bit.
"Is there a problem, sir?" the tall one asked, this time.
Even Swan was eyeballin' my ass.
Well, not my ass…but, you know what I'm sayin'.
“You mean besides the fact that you’re eye fucking my goddamn partner?” I asked him.
He curled his eyebrows at me.  “Well, yeah, I mean unless eye fucking is a crime in these parts…”
And then I just couldn’t help myself… I got all kinds of up in the guys face at that.  "Then, yeah, there's a problem."
I got a funny look from short, Mr. Attitude then. "What's that?" he asked me, titling his head some.
Like he didn't know.
"Well aside from the fucking fact that your suits aren't nearly as expensive as they should be for feds, those IDs you've been flashin' around all day?" They looked at each other. "Yeah, fake as Sammy Davis Jr.'s left eye."
Then I got the looks.
From both of them.
And it was so worth the wait.
Swan grabbed one of the IDs and examined it. "How would you even know that, Cullen?"
"I know all, Swan."
And she was eying the short fuck again.
"Helloooooo," he said to her with a smirk and an eyebrow waggle, and I scowled at his ass, reaching for my fucking Colt.
Swan was blushing and I was gonna lose all sense of control within the next few fucking seconds when the tall one interrupted, all secret fucking society like and what not.
"Look," he said, leaning in a little so we were all huddled nice and cozy like. "We're not FBI…"
"No goddamn shit," I told him and Swan swatted me on the arm so I let him continue.
Cautiously.
"I'm Sam," he said, motioning to the short one. "This is my brother Dean…We're sort of unofficially, officially, trying to find the… thing that killed this guy."
"Thing."
"That's right," said short and scowly. "You know, full on Fright Night… things that go bump in the dark when you're sleeping soundly in your beds at night…things that'll give you nightmares if you see them for what they really are… things that…"
I held a hand up. "Okay Rod Serling…I got it. Oogidy fucking boogidy."
He rolled his eyes.
The tall one let out a huff of air and Swan was twisting her mouth.
"You're not buyin' into this shit are you?" I asked her, and she kinda did that shruggin' her shoulders, squinting her eyes at me thing that said, yeah, I'm definitely a believer in the Super-fucking-naturalistic bullshit these guys were spewing at us.
"Jesus Christ, Swan."
"Swan," says short and scowly. "Is that your…first name or has this guy just not taken the time to learn it yet?"
He was smirking at her again.
And my hand was twitching to punch his ass again.
Or shoot him.
"Bella," says my partner, offering a hand of the Olive Branch kind and I turned to her, unbelievingly.
Sarcastic words of warning didn't get the chance to make it to the short guy, because that was when the bumps in the night he'd been talkin' about started in on us.
My attention went to the stairs out in the hallway where all four of us apparently had heard the same sounds coming from the floor above us.
"What the fuck was that? No one's supposed to be here."
I eyed the two FBI wannabes who were giving each other the look.
You know, the one where they know something we don't know and they aren't about to share like good little boys?
Yeah, that one.
"What?" I asked them, but they looked hesitant to say anything.
"Look, if you fuckin' know somethin' about this guy, or who mighta offed him, you're better off givin' us a clue so we don't have to turn you in for obstructing the law."
Swan's laughter was stifled by her hand over her mouth and I gave her the stink eye.
What?
I can play good cop bad cop if I wanna.
"Well, with all due respect, this isn't exactly someone so much as a something," short and scowly advised me, then made another gesture of sorts to Swan. "You might be safer waiting outside till we can clear this up, Bella."
I rolled my eyes. "She's not goin' anywhere, and quit eye fucking her before I kick your ass, dickwad."
"Dickwad?" he questioned me, squaring up and ready for a confrontation which I had to give him credit for because not a lotta people would have taken me on when shit came down with regards to Swan, much less short people, but this guy…he was a tough motherfucker with what seemed like a Colt in his jacket pocket so I had to at least give him props for that.
Screaming laughter interrupted the evening’s polite conversation again and I bolted for the second floor with Swan right behind me. "I've got you covered, Cullen, just….be careful."
I made it to the landing before the brothers Grimm did, and whoever it was, was just heading into one of the bedrooms.
So I followed.
"Running is futile, asswipe!" I screamed. I could hear the other three people in my search party yelling something out, but couldn't quite make out what it was as I entered the bedroom, finding my suspect about to open the closet door.
"Stop!" I yelled, but he just laughed this…really fucking weird laugh and reached for something, which is when I shot him.
Or at least I thought I'd shot him.
"What the fuck…?"
"Are you okay?" Swan was there, she'd come into the room just as the Colt went off and I was staring blankly at the door to the closet that the motherfucker I'd chased slid into.
"I just…" I made my way over to the door and swung it open to find nothing.
I pointed. "I just fucking shot that dick straight on… and he's…"
"Gone?" Scowly asked.
I closed the door.
Opened it again.
Then closed it.
Then opened it.
I looked around me even though part of my brain knew that was stupid.
I was dumbfounded, but there had to be an explanation. "There's a hidden entrance or somethin' in here," I was mumbling.
Swan was asking me, "Are you okay, Cullen?"
"He's bleeding…he woulda left a trail for us," I said as I pounded on the walls in that closet, listening for a hollow sound, but the two brothers, they didn't do shit… they just waited me out by making themselves comfortable on the bed.
I rubbed at the five o'clock shadow I was sporting and eyed Swan. "I'm seein' things."
"We all saw it," said the tall one. Sam.
I shook my head. "This isn't fucking possible… there's…"
"No such thing as ghosts?" Swan ended for me and I nodded.
"Goddamn right there's no such thing as ghosts."
But hell, even I knew….some fucked up shit had just gone down and I wasn't about to explain that shit away with a hidden door that apparently didn't exist.
"Okay… exactly what in the hell is going on here, then?" I asked with a scowl of my own. Then my short scowly friend did me the courtesy of explaining what it was that they really did for a living.
If you can call it that.
I mean, it's not like they got paid for that shit.
By the time they were done with their shpiel, I didn't think the crease between my eyes could get any fucking deeper and Swan… well, she was just mesmerized by the whole thing.
"So you're tellin' me, there's…"
Short and scowly nodded. A little smugly I might add.
"And the…" I pointed to the closet and the big one said, "Yep."
"So how do we…?"
"Burn the bones!" Swan yelled, causing my eyebrow to cock a little.
The short one…Dean smiled at her and said, "Well, that's one way, but it depends…" and I looked at her like she was on crack because… how the hell would she know that shit?
"Depends on what?" I asked, still staring inco-fucking-herantly at my partner.
The tall dude… Sam advised me, "Well if he was cremated, there won't be any bones… that'll mean someone else is in charge."
And those words…the way he used them… that caught my attention. "Hold on a goddamn second here… someone? Are you trying to fucking tell me there might be an actual human running this show?"
Sam put his hands out in an attempt to settle my ass down.
Not that it was working.
"There might be… but we need to investigate the possibility of the bones first… that would be the easiest way to settle things and it actually makes sense, since the entity has really only been seen in this house. We can start looking out back. I think there's a family plot out there, according to the web research I did."
"Anything else your web research mighta told you?" I asked him, annoyed as hell with the two of them.
He let out a huff then let out the deets. "His name was George Stack. He was born here, his mother went to jail for killing his father in nineteen-forty-two, left him to raise his younger sister on his own, only…he didn't just raise her, he abused her, kept her locked up in the attic and never sent her to school until one day she finally took her own life."
"Let me guess… in the fucking attic."
"Right."
"Jesus Christ… what happened to him?"
He shrugged. "Lived a recluse life after that…never left, had necessities delivered when necessary…he died about two years ago."
Short and scowly ended with, "And now he's abusing people again, only this time, he's doing the killing."
Motherfuckers disappearing into empty closets.
Dead shits committing murder.
Burning bones?
What the fuck was my life coming to, anyway?
"Okay, burning bones I can handle… but I find out someone's behind this shit…"
"We'll handle it," Swan told me, putting a hand on my arm and I smirked at her because she always knew what the hell to say to make things seem… right.
We headed out back through the kitchen when something… a scent made the four of us stop in our tracks.
"Is this thing… baking?" I asked, then noticed similar look of food coma on short and scowly's face.
It nearly mimicked my own.
"Apple pie," he hummed and I added, "With cinnamon."
We both took deep breaths in as Swan and the tall fucker rolled their eyes at us. Then we started checkin' out the oven, but… "Nothin'."
"Weird," Dean chimed in and then just like that… the smell was gone.
"This night could not possibly get any more fucking strange," I mused and then we headed through the back door, out to the makeshift family grave, just like tall and skinny had said…. But then…
"Edward?"
And the way my named sounded gave me the fucking chills because it wasn't the way she'd said it in bed, or hell, even when she was angry.
She was… scared.
I twisted my body to see behind me and found Swan fighting with someone… or… something just as the first three of us were out of the house. Her legs flailed in front of her as she kicked and fought and then… she was suddenly being dragged back into the house by…
Nothing?
"Shit!" I yelled out, running for her, but the door slammed right in my goddamn face just as I reached for her.
"Swan!" I called to her through the door, banging on it like a motherfucker, but either she couldn't hear me or she'd been rendered unconscious.
Didn't really matter, either scenario meant I was gonna fuck an asshat up for messin' with Swan.
Dead person…
Ghost.
What-the-fuck-ever.
"Swan!"
I pulled the Colt out and shot a few rounds off at the door knob but nothin'… nothing fucking happened.
"Goddman it! SWAN!"
"She can't hear you," Dean warned me, trying to pull me back from the house, but I wasn't leaving her.
I jerked my arm away from him. "No fucking shit! What the fuck just happened?"
"Fright night got her, that's what happened."
"Don't panic, we can get her back," Sam assured me and I nearly laughed at his ass.
Panic?
Me?
Seriously?
"Goddamn right we need to get her back," I told 'em, then yelled one more time for the entity or whatever the hell it was. "Give her the fuck back!"
The ground shook and the windows threatened to shatter to pieces, but just as soon as it had all started, it ended and the quiet that came over the grounds was really fucking eerie.
It made me wanna spit.
I bent over, feeling like I was gonna puke or something. I mean shit… this was Swan we were talking about and that… thing had her.
"If it fucking hurts a hair on her goddamn head…"
"I know," Dean told me, and he sounded like maybe he'd had a Swan in his life at some point or another too. I looked up at him and found myself feeling not quite so much like decking the guy anymore.
I just needed to get Swan back that was all, so I asked them, "What do we do?"
"Okay," Sam started. "We need to find the grave first, so… why don't I start looking for it and you two go find us something we can start a fire with…" then he added toward his brother, "And we'll need shovels."
"I gotta lighter," I told them and bolted for Eleanor to get it while Dean made his way over to his…
Holy fuck he had a goddamn classic.
I stopped to admire it before reminding myself that Swan was trapped in a fucking house with a psycho abusive ghost that may or may not be able to be stopped.
Right.
I got the fire starter, Dean got the shovels, and we met Sam back at what must have been the brother's grave, then we all started diggin' like our lives depended on it.
And I knew at least one life that would be shit if somethin' had happened to Swan, so... we were done in a matter of about a half hour.
It drove me fucking idiotic to think what mighta been happening inside that house while we worked, but that fact also drove me to destroy those bones as fast as fucking possible too.
Once we opened up the casket, the three of us climbed out of the grave and I pulled the lighter from my jacket pocket and lit it up.
Then I threw it down onto the fucking bones and watched them burn up.
Something changed around the house.
Like… it was inviting us back in and I didn't waste one single goddamn minute before heading through that kitchen door and looking for Swan.
The brothers followed and we split up when we couldn't find her downstairs.
I headed all the way up to the third story while they took the rooms on the second floor.
"Swan!" I called out over and over, but she still didn't fucking answer me. When I looked up to what must have been the attic, I felt sick again, thinking he musta dragged her up there to do…whatever he'd done to his sister all those years ago, and I pulled the ladder down to climb up and try to find her.
Hopefully before it was too late.
It was dark and I could hear the boys walking around downstairs still, but things were getting fuzzy for me. I felt like my ear drums were gonna pop and my eyes were seein' things that…
Well, I knew by then I wasn't just seein' things, I guess.
Mumbles.
I heard mumbles and felt my way around, heading for the sound and, when I stumbled over something, I fell right into her.
"Swan, shit. I thought you were…"
She was tied up though and I wondered, what the hell? As I pulled the gag off of her mouth then she yelled at me. "Watch out!"
I barely had time to process the sound that had come from behind me as she’d said those words.
A sound like a woman’s voice and I was dawning on me that… it wasn’t the brother that we’d been hunting down all night…
It was too late to do anything about it, though ‘cause like lightning I was thrown across the room and up against the wall opposite Swan and my head ached with a searing fucking pain that shot all the way to my feet. I could taste blood in my mouth and barely saw a blur of something pass by me while Swan wrestled to get out of the bonds she was tied in.
"Edward, it's the sister! She's…"  Swan was trying to explain what I’d already registered.
And then I was thrown again.
"Jesus Fuck!"
This time I heard the brothers downstairs as I fell to the floor. Murmurs and muffles mostly, but I thought maybe they'd heard the fight and were on their way, only the attic door slammed shut then and my only hope was that I could hold this bitch off till they did something.
I mean I could fight a live human being with my goddamn hands tied behind my back, but ghosts?
I didn't get the impression they played fair, much less ever lost a fight from said unfairness.
Sam and Dean pounded on the attic door and I heard Bella trying to make her way around without being noticed so she musta gotten out of her ropes, but she wasn't talking… it woulda given her away.  So instead of hiding like a fucking pansy ass, myself, I called the bitch out.
"That all ya got?" I asked her, hearing some giggles from the corner of the room that were definitely not Swan's giggles.
I shivered.
Then I got my dick on.  If ya know what I mean.
"So what? Your brother lays it on thick and you want every other man on the planet to pay?"
A chair was flung at me but I dodged it.
“Lame.”
She thrust me up against the ceiling that time, then let me drop, knocking the wind outta me but I got up.
Coughing my ass off… but I got the fuck up.
"You're dead… he's dead… why not move on for the love of god?"
Another piece of furniture flew at me and I ducked but it caught the side of my head as it went over.
"Motherfucker!" I screamed out in pain, holding my skull in hopes that it hadn't been split in two with that shit.
"Maybe you've got mommy issues, is that it?" I asked her, trying to stall. That must have really pissed her off because right then, a hard gush of wind blew at me and she was there… in my face. Literally.
I could see every expression, every fear… every ounce of anger she was feeling and knew I was a gonner based on the fact that she held a pole in her hand that didn't exactly look like she wanted to play show and fucking tell with.
She screeched this… high pitched screech that made my eyes wanna bleed and my spine wanna crack and I did my best to be the hard ass I'd come to know so well and not fucking piss my pants.
"Shit," was all that came out my mouth then, because honestly… what the fuck else was I gonna say?
And as she pulled it up above her head to end me, I raised my hands instinctively to block the blow as best I could but then…
Something happened.
Something I hadn't expected.
At all.
Another gust of wind and she looked like she burned up into nothing, leaving ashes that dissipated and glowing embers that fell to the floor. The pole dropped, the door to the attic swung open and the brothers Grimm flew into the room, turned the lights on for the three of us to see Swan, standing by a closet door she was holding open.
A pile of bones lie at her feet, still burning only slightly, and she was smiling proud.
"He must have kept her body up here all those years," she told us breathlessly and then she walked away from the bones to come over to yours truly.
My entire body relaxed at the realization that I wasn't gonna die…and that Swan wasn't gonna fucking die and then I noticed the same reaction from the two brothers that didn't feel so much like such a couple of royal pains in my ass anymore.
I put my arms around Bella when she was close enough and held on for my life.
"You really fucking scared me for a minute there," I told her.
She placed a kiss against my neck before telling me, "I think I scared myself."
Nervous and grateful for our lives laughter filled the room then but none of us were stickin' around after that to see if there were any other fucking entities that might be hanging out.
We quickly made our ways down and out all the way, Swan in front this time, and once we were safely in the front yard, Sam…the tall one made it a point to tell Swan, "You did really good in there."
Short and Sassy's eyebrows raised a little, as he added, "Dude, that was hot,” which of course, kicked me right back in to pissed off with the guy, mode.
"I just did what any Ghost Hunter would have done," she told them. "I just hope she's at peace now."
"Ya know," Dean started and I was getting suspicious of him, just from the look on his face when he'd said that. "We could use a good hunter… maybe you'd uh… like to come with?" he asked, waggling his fucking eyebrows at her, then added for whatever the fuck reason, as he nodded toward me, "No offense tough guy..." Then back to Swan, with, "He doesn't exactly do you justice, ya know? We could…"
He stopped then, gesturing between the two of them with his hand...making this fucked up pouty look with his lips and I scowled like a motherfucker.
Was he kiddin' me with this shit?
I cocked an eyebrow at the guy, ready to punch his ass once again, but Swan defused any malicious intentions of mine by laughing a friendly laugh at him and telling him, under no uncertain fucking terms, "Watch your mouth, there, cowboy, he might be a dick… but he's my dick."
I winked at my new sworn frenemy and nodded 'cause you know… she's got that shit right. "If you two ever need help with the magically delicious, again … do me a solid… don't fucking call."
They smiled and laughed and the short one mocked me. "Like we haven't heard that one before."
Then we went our separate ways.
The brothers Grimm to get their next scare on… Swan and I… to get the fuck back to normal.
If there ever could be a normal for us again, that is.
Having something like ghosts and goblins become a reality in my life didn't exactly seem like it was gonna make things… better, if ya know what I'm sayin'.
"I'm hungry," I told her as we hopped into Eleanor. "You wanna stop somewhere and get some pie?"
And with the Swan-esque head shake that followed, I knew we'd be okay.
Eventually.